I miss you guys!!!

It is me, WhiteEmerald_

For those who don't know, my PC3 (as my sister calls it) was taken...by my sister. Me and my sister do not get a long. And i think i will just look pathetic by telling this story out in the open. Well guess what..... *whispers* i....don't....care.

Well i do care a little. But im going to say it. It is crazy but i regret that day. I ate my sister's pizza. She had two slices and i ate one of it. She got so mad that she took my PC3. And i got mad. I got enraged because in my mind, she had no right. That was legally mine. Right now, it just hit me in the head that the pizza slice was legally hers. So im a hypocrite. Still i think she overreacted. She is on freaking nutrisystem and she needs it so she won't become pre-diabetic. But it is a good idea to balance Nutrisystem food and food outside of nutrisystem.

Still i was wrong. But so was she. I wrestled her to the ground for it. Now i hate this because i don't want other to think im this monster. What makes me feel better is that she is 29, 30, or 31 years old. If she was my little sister, i don't think i would do it. She would be fragile in my eyes. Still i was wrong.

My sister is no angel. She threw a ps2 controller at me after the whole wrestle event. She insults me bad. lol she insulted me to a point that i got so mad, i started punching the walls. She called me a loser and at that i time, i couldn't handle it because i was not only told by her that i was a loser but by my whole family. I guess i bottled up the pain to a climaxing point. That what sh...never mind. So then i saw her filming me. I wrestled her for the phone because i wanted to break it. She screamed and i was like "omg what am i doing." So i stopped. And you would think she would stop. No she continued to smile and film me. I broke down crying and went up stair. Still i was wrong for wrestling her. Sad that she can't even apologize for her wrong doing. I admit she is a good sister if she was trying to make me realize how i acted but i don't think she filmed me for my character betterment but for her own satisfaction. She even insulted my other sister for thinking she stole her nutrisystem pizza. Guess what, that pizza (im not talking about the pizza i ate. That pizza was from dominos) was found!!! And my sister wouldn't even apologize. Her insults really hurt in my opinion.

I got off topic in a selfish way. I just don't want you guys to think im a monster. I was tho. But please don't forget, i wrestled her to the ground for it. I didn't hit her. Like how she tried to hurt me...throwing the controller at me and trying to kick me. She bit my two arms but i don't blame her because i was wrestling her. I feel pathetic and sad that im 21 years old and i fought my own fleshing blood for a plastic hardware. Im not saying you guys don't matter (kitty, JR, Miles, kool laid, Lin, etc). You guys do matter. What i regret most is how i handled it.

I would hate the fact knowing if i traumatized her. Because i don't want to be known as a monster. And i don't want to mess her mental state. She went to the movies today. 99.9 percent of the time she is ok. Today we talk normally...but just a little bit. She seemed fine. She yelled at me hysterically because i forced myself in the room she was in and tried to apologize. I wasn't in her face. I was like a good distance away. She yelled and i think tearing up. My mother told me that she tried to freak me out. Seconds later she was fine. Well i assumed that because i didn't hear her yelling anymore. All i can do now is better myself. I feel like i should go to jail. javascript:add("%20:'(")

Edit. I was shy talking apologizing to her. I would apologize is pathetic ways but i meant it. One pathetic way was that i apologized in a different room when my sister was in another room. And i hated that about myself. So that is why i meant by saying that i forced myself in the same room as her. I did it to prove my apology. I did it once and she screamed. She didn't scream before when i said sorry in a different room. And it seems like she was crying. I saw no tears. So i left that room. Then i took up the courage and did it again. I was not angry but i yelled out what i wanted to say. Because i was being interrupted. I didn't say all i have to say. I was happy because i took that step to be in the same room. Still when i know when my sister is close to me.....i feel pressured to apologize again. Selfishly, im making this edit to find a way verbally to come to the conclusion that maybe i didn't traumatized her. I can't escape it. Though, i didn't lie in this edit. The following paragraphs is not part of this edit. Edit over.

I don't think i will ever be back on psn for months. I won't lie, a few positives has spring up. I joined a gym and when im ready, i will look for my first job. Yes, i never had a job. kinda pathetic. Shoot me. *dodge* I was told my two people (a friend and my sister) to go get the system back from my sister. I would offer the same advice but it would turn ugly. I don't know the future but i bet there is a high probability it will turn physical or argumentative. And i think it is best to just get a job and buy another system. I believe that is the high road.

I do feel kinda sad that im saying this in the open. But i don't want to repeat myself, you know. So i hope you can understand why im doing this. Im lazy. And i miss my mom (Kitty). Lol no she is not my real mom guys but it is fun to play along.

I miss you guys.
Jr, wow, great looking website. You made this?
Kitty, *tears* im happy to see you. How are you?
Lin, thank you so much for the link
Kool Laid, .... stay kool. ahhh i like you bro.
Miles...I like you!!! lol your name....Like Miles Davis. lol you get the joke.
TM...nice to see you. Can't wait to use you to make bulbasaur use cut. lol pokemon joke. Hope you get it.
Gingi...is he here?
Pink...what about her?
Kawaiibloom...lol we don't really talk but hi You know, i don't get kawaii? I read that so many times.
Donzi...i miss you how are you?

There must be others.

Liz and Joe Happy to see you guys too.
Donzie---hiiiii How are you? We have to speak soon?
Johnler--- Fracking Toaster...i love you man. And how are you?
RageTroll--Heyyy? How are you? lol your name is funny.
EggieDiaz--I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. You are sweet and kind. And how are you? I hope you reply or see this.
And EchoSarah....It hurts to be away from my friends but i thought about you the most. And it hurts to be away from you. You are closest friend i have on PSN
And if you are reading this....Join this forum please

There must be typing errors in this post. lol how many times do i have to proof read -_-

javascript:add("%20:)") <--- lol what happened here?


Edit.

I want to say thank you to all who read this post and said nice things. As of now, i won't start any conversation with her unless i feel she is being really ugly. I started with her yesterday because she was being a little ugly with my other sister but im admitting wrongdoing because it was a little ugly. But i will just ignore her. It might be for months still she will talk to me again. I admit sometimes im wishy washy with how i feel. Sometimes i want to be with her. Sometimes i don't care because of the hate i feel for the things she says and had said. But hate is bad and i will just push it to the side. Only love with bring us close.